I don't deserve an angel
by queencrestah
Summary: I don't deserve everything that's happening to me right now. Not today, not ever. I'm unworthy. I don't deserve my humanity. I don't deserve my life. I don't deserve my friends. And I dont deserve him. (Wanda's POV. Oneshot.)


I don't deserve everything that's happening to me right now. Not today, not ever. I'm unworthy. I don't deserve my humanity. I don't deserve my life. I don't deserve my friends. And I dont deserve _him_.

Most of the time, when Ian wasn't looking at me, I would just stare at him. I'd look at his hair, his lips, the bridge of his nose, his elegant brows, his angular cheekbones and then I'd linger on his eyes, longer than I have stared at the other parts of his face. I would repeat my routine again and again until his face was all that I could see, even behind my lids. How could someone as angelic as him be meant for me? Unfathomable.

"Wanda." His voice pulls me out of my reverie and I was back in reality again. I turned to see him standing at the doorway, his arms outstreched towards me. He's back. He made it back. My heart picks up its pace when our eyes met. Relief flowed through me. Then I can't just look at him anymore. I ran and put my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. I want to say how much I missed him, but I cant find my voice right now. He was gone for almost three weeks, out in raids and secret meetings with the other colonies that we found. But now he's here.

I'm supposed to leave with them, but Melanie said otherwise. She said that I just got back from a raid two days ago, with the other colony, so I should rest especially that my body isn't used to exerting itself to extreme work. She said that they can handle this. And surprisingly, everyone agreed including Ian. I argued with all of them tirelessly but to no avail. They're leaving me here unable to help. Unsure if they would come back...and even Jamie left...

Ian groaned silently. "I missed you so much, Wanda."

I laughed, the sound muffled by his chest, "So you've already regretted not allowing me to come along with you?" He pulled away and looked down at me. I looked back at him, seeing the different shades of blue in his irises. Then he tilted my chin higher and our lips meet. Our kiss was soft at first, one of his hands was in my back, softly massaging a small part of it and his other hand cupped my face, until I started to recall the three weeks that he was away. My hands went up to his hair, grasping every strand that I can and pulled him closer to me if it was still possible. He pulled back for an instant to whisper my name and we kissed again, this time deeper and longer. I don't know how many moments passed, but he just let me hold onto him like that. I could stay in our embrace for a long time. Maybe longer than forever.

Then we heard footsteps in the hallway sounding closer and closer.

"Wanda!" a voice shouted. Jamie. I let Ian go, my heart sinking a bit, and stepped out of our room and saw Jamie running towards me, his grin extending all over his face. We collided, hugging each other tightly and we both laughed. I don't know why, but Jamie and I just did. I guess it's because everything was perfect at the moment, and my relief made me giddy.

Then Jamie looked at Ian and then to me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Interrupted something?" Jamie asked to both of us. How did he know that?

"No." I said, the same time Ian said yes. Jamie just squared his shoulders and muttered something while looking at the ground. Then he looked up and smiled at me. "I really missed you, Wanda" he said before hugging me again briefly and walking back to the direction that he came from. I looked at Ian.

"You're not the one who only missed me, you know."

"Oh, I know. But nobody missed you more than I do. So..." he said pulling me back to his arms. "...where were we?"

I looked at his eyes again. "I don't deserve someone like you, Ian." His playful smile faded and he stared at me severely. He let go of me and stepped back.

"Don't think like that. It's the other way around, Wanda. It's the other way around." His voice was thick of emotions. He just came back to me. I can't afford to destroy this wonderful moment, but the words were already out.

"No. You don't see how you are, Ian. I've seen so many things. I've lived so many lives. I thought what I had was special. But when I saw you, when I loved you, and when I looked at you, everything else fails to compare. I'm just...me. This body isn't even originally mine. So, tell me. Tell me how did I deserve you."

I opened my mouth to say more but I couldn't. How could things change so drastically fast? I realized I was crying, and my hands were shaking at my sides. We never argued like this before, but then again, I never said what I really thought about this matter.

He walked towards our bed and sat there. He was looking at his hands. I stayed where I was and focused on making my hands instead.

"Now listen to my side of the story. I won't tell you otherwise. Not because I agree with you, but because I can't seem to do anything about your opinions. Wanda, I can't explain how precious and special you are to me. I can't tell you how much I love you. And I can't tell you what would I feel if you...if you're gone. I don't think it matters if we think we're both unworthy for each other anymore. Can't you see? The love that we share-that is what's going to keep you and me breathing for each other. I love you. And you love me. Isn't that what we both wanted?" Ian looked up at me, his anger washed away. He tried to suppress a smile, but failed. His blue eyes became warmer.

I sighed. He was so good at making closures. I sat next to him, taking his hand in mine.

"Yes. That's what we both wanted." I rested my head in his shoulders. "And needed." I added, in a slow whisper.

"I love you." I heard him say.

I smiled. "Me too, Ian. Me too."


End file.
